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Landing on Mars was not at all what I expected. Barren, bleak, boring — that’s what I was expecting. But I discovered I couldn’t have been more wrong as soon as I ventured into the underground tunnels. They were teaming with life. Deadly life. Huge terrifying centipede-thingies ate both of my co-workers, and I was next. Until a big gray Tarzan-like alien with a huge chest (and an even bigger vine) came to my rescue. These sexy aliens are still in the caveman phase. They like to grunt, fight, and throw helpless women over their shoulders. It’s barbaric. It’s savage. It’s obscene. …and I kinda like it.